Good for you Eight habits of considerate people

Good for you Eight habits of considerate peopleGood for you Eight habits of considerate peoplePhilosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax. Its true. Being kind and considerate softens people and makes them malleable to yur way of thinking.But I see aleidher meaning there, too. I think hes also saying that being considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.As obvious as that may seem, its only recently that neuroscience has been able to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain thats responsible for nurturing behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but its also good for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brains reward center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to whats known as runners high, and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.Being considerate of others will take you further in life than any college or professional degree. Marian Wright EdelmanThats all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become mora considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental energy? Its not that hard- all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.Show up on timeSure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear message that you think your time is more important than everyone elses, and thats just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you dont have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.Be deliberately empathicIts one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into action is another matter entirely. Its great to be able to put yourself in someone elses shoes- in fact, its essential- but that doesnt necessarily translate into being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to walk in their shoes change what you do, whether thats changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation.Apologize when you need to (and dont when you dont)We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its meaning. But its a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really necessary. When youve made a mistake, or even think youve made a mistake, apologizing is a cr ucial part of being considerate.Smile a lotPhysically, its easier to frown than to smile- smiling involves 42 different muscles however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person theyre talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.Mind your mannersA lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary, theyre undesirable because theyre fake. These people think that being polite means youre acting in a way that doesnt reflect how you actually feel, but theyve got it backwards. Minding your manners is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on howyoufeel. Its consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.Be emotionally intelligentOne of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is the same as acting on that f eeling, and thats just wrong, because theres this little thing called self-control. Whether its helping out a co-worker when youre in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not acting on what you feel.Try to find a way for everybody to winMany people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to find a way for everybody to win. Thats not always possible, but its their goal. If you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose scenario.Act on your intuition when it comes to other peoples needsSometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out- do it theyll appreciate your concer n.Bringing It All TogetherBeing considerate is good for your mental and physical health, your career, and everyone around you. On top of that, it just feels good.Travis Bradberry is the co-author ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart. This article first appeared at LinkedIn.Good for you Eight habits of considerate peoplePhilosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax. Its true. Being kind and considerate softens people and makes them malleable to your way of thinking.But I see another meaning there, too. I think hes also saying that being considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.As obvious as that may seem, its only recently that neuroscience has been able to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our brains react exac tly the same when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain thats responsible for nurturing behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreBeing considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but its also good for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brains reward center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to whats known as runners high, and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.Being considerate of others will take you further in life than any college or professional degree. Marian Wright EdelmanThats all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental energy? Its not that hard- all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.Show up on timeSure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear message that you think your time is more important than everyone elses, and thats just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you dont have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.Be deliberately empathicIts one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into action is another matter entirely. Its great to be able to put yourself in someone elses shoes- in fact, its essential- but that doesnt necessarily translate into being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to walk in their shoes change what you do, whether thats changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situ ation.Apologize when you need to (and dont when you dont)We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its meaning. But its a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really necessary. When youve made a mistake, or even think youve made a mistake, apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.Smile a lotPhysically, its easier to frown than to smile- smiling involves 42 different muscles however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person theyre talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.Mind your mannersA lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary, theyre undesirable because theyre fake. These people think that being polite means youre acting in a way that doesnt reflect how you actually feel, but theyve got it backwards. Minding your manners is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on howyoufeel. Its consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.Be emotionally intelligentOne of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is the same as acting on that feeling, and thats just wrong, because theres this little thing called self-control. Whether its helping out a co-worker when youre in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not acting on what you feel.Try to find a way for everybody to winMany people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to find a way for everybody to win. Thats not always possible, but its their goal. If you want to be more co nsiderate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose scenario.Act on your intuition when it comes to other peoples needsSometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out- do it theyll appreciate your concern.Bringing it all togetherBeing considerate is good for your mental and physical health, your career, and everyone around you. On top of that, it just feels good.Travis Bradberry is the co-author ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart. This article first appeared at LinkedIn.